So the latest news story is “RUSSIAN HAX0RZ” are apparently trying to favor Bernie Sanders in the current election.
Hi. Have we met? I’m Scott. I’m a dork. I’m actually a super big dork in that I follow politics for fun, back when it didn’t matter. It was a great time, that window. Weren’t the 1990s FUCKING AWESOME? Yeah, that magic moment. ANYWAY. Russia. Bernie. Trump.
Russia is always going to Russia. Russia is even more of a wreck than America. Americans may not believe this because they know how much of a wreck America is, where roads are falling apart, bridges are collapsing, airports are nightmares, and literally everything is terrible if you’re not a billionaire getting concierge service to take you away from the maddening hordes trying to get home after yet another fucking useless business trip. America am I right?
Friends, Russia is WORSE.
The elections are a pre-ordained joke (it’s called “managed democracy”, look it up if you’re curious – the author was a big Tupac fan who is currently very angsty he’s stuck in a world he helped make and is writing novels about a very intelligent government functionary trapped in a bureaucracy. I AM MAKING NONE OF THIS UP. I CANNOT HOPE TO COMPETE WITH REALITY.) and pretty much any Russian with aspirations of greatness at this point has fled the country for points west (us) east (china) or south (africa, oh you screwed up again, didn’t you). Everyone left in Russia is either very cranky at being stuck, very patriotically fascist at wanting to fuck over someone/anyone to make themselves feel better (these are usually the guys siphoned into the pro-Russian Ukraine militias that Ukraine has to deal with) or just gets through every day because it is what it is (this is the default).
So I explain all this to you. This sad, misbegotten, collection of very depressed and cynical people… that is the horrible threat to our elections.
You see now why it’s so laughable. Why you should laugh. Why laughter is the only response.
Of course Russia is spending $300 (literally, it’s like that much) on Facebook ads. Of course they’re trying to spike the elections so Trump gets re-elected (because he’s a raging trash fire that keeps America from doing anything rational).
Of course they’re going to pipe up for Bernie (because Sanders is a threat to the Democrat establishment)
Let’s talk D&D Alignments. Because we’re all gamers and it’s literally the best way to describe what Russia is doing.
Russia is Chaotic Stupid.
It’s that guy who blows every game session because it has to be ALL ABOUT HIM and his deep narrative and why don’t you see his pain.
Stop worrying about that guy.
Stop worrying about Russia.
(well, we still kind of have to. Remnants of cold war, ICBMs pointed at us that would wipe out life on the planet, that kind of thing. We should work on fixing that.)
Also, if you want to learn more about Russia’s being chaotic stupid, read this book.