Inspired by Raph this time, last month’s greatest search terms, in order of popularity…
jessica chobot : My most popular search term, by a factor of 4. I’m waiting for Sony to include PSP-licking booth babes at E3. Maybe they’ll lick PSPs you bring them, that would make it interactively yicky. I doubt they’ll lick your DS but you can ask.
chetvichoi : ONLY CHET TOUCH ASHKANDI
bewbies : Ah, the internet. Note that this was more popular than any other variation of the word “breast”.
nefarion strategy : I’m pretty sure I am NOT the person you want to ask. My wife may be helpful, but she doesn’t have a blog. Ah hell, I’m feeling generous.
nastycast : I have no idea what this is, nor do I want to. I suspect porn and iPods are both involved.
lum broken : Yeah, pretty much.
fat chicks : Good to see the frat still lets you use the web.
“race war kingdoms” items for sale : THE DREAM WILL NEVER DIE.
firiona vie naked : Have you considered pornography involving actual people? I hear something called “nastycasts” are big.
jessica chabot : Mispelled, she still scores higher than most proper spellings.
sex blogs : Boy are YOU ever in the wrong place.
whitefox pictures : Oh come on people. Stuff like this makes me glad Jessica Chobot is a real person.
“lum” mmo “is it fun” game : Signs point to no.
causes for lag on daoc : As a DAOC server programmer, I can tell you conclusively – the Internet is sometimes involved.
cheating puzzle pirates : Aw, people, do you have to ruin EVERYTHING?
fat ass 50 tiger mountain : Whoever this is, s/he probably is not taking Tiger Mountain by strategy.
funny funnier than the same old crap : I try.
guitar hero emulator : You do know that the controller is the entire point of the game, right?
macroing program for uo : FOR LIFE, YO.
sexual things to do with your girlfriend : Step 1 – MOVE AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER.
why is wow broken constantly : I got nothin’.
Believe it or not? All of these had multiple searches. Which makes them even more scary. The following, thankfully, only had 1 search each:
amazingly large penises : They are indeed of unusual size.
anonymously annoy bloggers : Step 1 – enter wackily surreal Google search terms.
are all men just after sex? : Yeah, pretty much. Sorry.
assholes on toontown : There has GOT to be a story here.
babylona in nude picture : This is probably why she quit updating.
brad mcquaid “i drove” today : Thanks for sharing, Brad.
bullet points about the roundheads:
- Roundheads are NOT CAVALIERS.
- Roundheads are MAMMALS.
- Roundheads sometimes FLIP OUT AND KILL PEOPLE.
- Roundheads are amazingly precise.
cj having sex : There are many possibilities here. Are they talking about my co-worker the art director? The blogger? The press secretary on “The West Wing”? You know, pretty much all of the available options are kinda creepy.
cj having sex cheat : Well, this sheds absolutely no light whatsoever.
damaging character development with rewards : I feel almost obligated to write about this now.
does anyone want any mountain dew? : Nah, I’m good.
explain “hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil” : It’s about these three monkeys, see.
evil tricks to play on coworkers : I bet making them part of blog entries about having sex is on the list.
fat old people : Thanks.
hillary clinton topless : Oh, come on.
how magic the gathering is evil : Well, when you make parodies involving national disasters…
how much porno sites pays for photos : I forsee a magical career for you involving webcams.
how to deal with a mad wife : I find chocolate works.
how to destroy a network server : I find chocolate works.
how to legally aquire rental property without buying : I find chocolate works.
how to make a paper hat : I find…
i hate my princess magical talking vanity : Thanks for sharing.
i killed all the hoosnock everywhere : Good for you.
images of cj having sex in san andreas : Dammit, I preferred the mystery.
is chocolate good for you : Probably not.
is it against the law to leave a mean comment on the internet : If it is, send lawyers, guns and money.
is this the way to boring lessons : Usually, yeah.
long mmo design thought : It’s amazing how Google can bring you to your destination.
make your own game : Yeah! (Hint: include Jessica Chobot.)
mmo is it legal to sell in-game items and money : Not in mine, it isn’t.
mmog with playable fox dog people : Uhhh… yeah.
my korean isp cut my service : Not sure how you did the Google search, then, but thanks for sharing.
nge swg : I’m thinking this scored higher than 1 in Raph’s list.
ninja techniques : Mine – UNSTOPPABLE.
noone ever when broke underestimating the intellegence of the american public : Dominus flevit.
people that are fat : Thanks, Google!
richard dean anderson quit stargate? : Damn him!
show me the porn that they show when you complete the game maze of porn in warcraft 3 : I’m pretty sure this was actually from a song by the Cure.
soe developers blog starwars galaxies lum’s blog : It’s spelled D A O C.
stevie \’e2\’80\’9ckillcreek\’e2\’80\’9d case nude : The Internet never forgets, ever.
the most boring site ever invented : Another satisfied customer.
why did faarwolf leave soe : Porn was involved.
why was uo2 cancelled? : Not enough meerlings.