Broken Toys

Not sure why this disappeared, but at some point this one got left behind in the many and various internet shiftings. By request: Game!

There’s a game called Game. It has no rules. Cool, huh!

Game has 4 players. They are called A, B, C, and D. (They had somewhat unimaginative parents, you see.)

A doesn’t like Game because he doesn’t know how many points he has or what level he is. He thinks the whole thing’s kind of silly and logs off.

B starts walking and doesn’t stop, intent on finding out if Game has any walls or features of any kind.

C tries to keep up with B and strike up a conversation.

D then logs in and kills both B and C. Game over.

The developers are a bit unhappy with the way Game went, so they make a new build of Game. This one has an island, on which there spawns 4 orcs.

B is disappointed because the island is so small.

A starts fighting the orcs.

C tries to console B about the island being so small.

D then logs in and kills A, B, and C. Game over.

The developers begin to see a pattern. Game v3.0 launches with (drumroll) a PK switch. (Oh, and another island.)

A keeps fighting the orcs, since they drop 30 quatloos every time they die.

C looks at the orcs. Hmm, green. She wonders if there’s a good place on the island for a tavern.

B starts chopping down trees, so that he can build a boat to the other island.

D then logs in and finds out he can’t kill anyone. WTF? He then starts calling C a slut and a whore, which makes her cry. He then kills the orcs really fast before A can. B tries to ignore D but D keeps tripping him every time he brings logs back from the trees for his boat.

The developers are not happy. No, not at all happy.

Game 3.5 comes out, with Game Master support 24/7.

The second C comes on, she reports D for harrassment. D then logs on and feigns ignorance, saying that his playstyle is sanctioned by Game since he could kill people in v1.0 and v2.0 and it was taken away from him with no compensation at all. GM E is kind of confused, since he just started yesterday, and asks A and B what’s been going on. B just shrugs and keeps building his boat, but A confirms C’s story (whether or not C is in fact telling the truth is irrelevant for purposes of this discussion). E puts D on a 24 hour ban. The next day D logs on with another account and makes C cry again.

The developers begin to drink heavily.

Game 4.0 is now out, with a special PvP-Enhanced Zone (the third island). Unfortunately, D is the only one in the zone, and he gets bored quickly with no one to kill. He swims over to the first island and uses Gamekill, a hack he downloaded from the Internet, to kill A, B, and C.

C writes to Game Monthly, saying that The Game Company has created a hellhole of festering cruelty that no sane person would ever want to experience.

B keeps plugging away, building his boat.

A is tired of killing orcs, and begins to really get pissed off with C’s carping. He downloads Gamekill too, and kills her.

D is encouraged, and makes a guild website called “A-D” where they spend most of their time posting how much they want to kill that C bitch.

The developers are now quite drunk, and new development on Game has ceased.

B built his boat, and sailed off to the second island, where he was promptly ambushed by A and D and killed.

C joined Game’s new Volunteer Program, and is now Special Operations Counselor in charge of Shard Affairs C. She informs A and D that their playstyle and exploiting will no longer be tolerated.

A and D post on their website that C probably slept with E to get her position. F divorces E.

B starts his own website, which consists mainly of maps of the three islands.

C spends most of her time IRC now, warning people about the dangerous places in Game and how to avoid them.

Meanwhile no one is actually playing Game. This bothers the developers when they sober up. Game 5.0 is hurried to market, with a shiny new box announcing 6 new islands and a great Army-level system designed to channel player aggressiveness.

A jumps onto the new island and gleefully slaughters the new monsters from a distance at no danger to himself.

B publishes his new guidebook, “You got Game?”, with detailed maps of all the new islands.

C is on hand to greet new players, warning them to watch for D and other exploiters.

D is tired of being called an exploiter just because he wants to kill people. He feels oppressed and hemmed in by the game mechanics (maybe because he is). He holds a protest on Island 6 which A attends out of solidarity and C because she’s reporting on it for GM E. GM E is fired shortly thereafter for selling maps of the islands to B for his new book and is not replaced.

The developers are despondent that the Army system they spent months developing is being completely ignored. Suddenly they are fired and a new dev team is hired.

Game 6.0 is released, with no rules.

A jumps on and he and B look for the new monsters.

C logs on with her player character to see if any of her friends are on.

D then logs in and kills A, B and C. Game over.

Game 7.0…