The Three Reblogs Of Palmer Eldritch


1) Someone went to the trouble of analyzing profanity usage online in Halo 2. Sure, you knew it was there, but did you know there were 0.23 more racial epithets than averrals of sexual preference per hour? 0.23. Hm. That would be, like “ga” but you know, that could really go either way so I’m thinking the stats may need work.

2) Critics love movies like “Big Momma’s House 2″. No, really, they do. Because it lets them exercise their creativity in that way only irredeemably bad movies can.

“A partial list of things that are more amusing than Big Momma’s House 2: Beverly Hills Cop, Fletch, the original Big Momma’s House, every sitcom currently on TV, open-heart surgery.”
– Kyle Smith, NEW YORK POST

“Big Momma’s House 2 is an atrocious film. But what’s even more frightening is that Hollywood thinks people will find it funny.”
– Tom Long, DETROIT NEWS

“If you thought Big Momma’s House was funny, then two things are probably true: 1) You are stupid. 2) You will also think Big Momma’s House 2 is funny.”
– Eric D. Snider, ERICDSNIDER.COM

“Its idiocy is boundless, its senselessness without end, its unendurability beyond description…”
– MaryAnn Johanson, FLICK FILOSOPHER

The winner? The writer who completely ignored the movie itself and went on a page-long riff about Big Momma 2’s unintentionally deep PR announcement.

3)\’c2\~ Some statistics for you this morning:

    \tab
  • “Yulgang”, a Korean MMO, hits 260,000 peak concurrent users in China
  • \tab

  • “Audition”, another Korean MMO I pointed out earlier, hits 400,000 peak concurrent users in China
  • \tab

  • “World Of Warcraft”, technically not a Korean MMO, hits 500,000 peak concurrent users in China

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to learn Mandarin.

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  1. #1 by Boanerges on February 10th, 2006

    Nice reviews. I don’t think anyone has ever topped this one I read from Lowtax years ago about the truly awful Doom comic book.

    If I had to choose between reading the comic again or having my balls chopped off with a rusty razor blade… I’d choose reading the comic book again but I’d have think about it first

  2. #2 by Auz on February 10th, 2006

    I’m getting a 404 on the Audition link… so I’ll just assume it’s based on the movie and avoid in order to keep my feet attached to me.

  3. #3 by Raph on February 10th, 2006

    You don’t get away that easily, Auz! You must join the footstomping masses.

    The link on my website is working: http://au.bugsgames.net/

  4. #4 by Trashcan on February 10th, 2006

    Nice use of a Phillip K. Dick book! Reviews were funny too.

  5. #5 by Jason on February 10th, 2006

    The worst thing about Big Momma’s House 2… if you do the math, in two weeks of release, more than five and a half million people couldn’t find something better to do for two hours than go see it.

  6. #6 by Amber Night on February 10th, 2006

    Jason, they had to do something while waiting for the cinematic spectacular that Final Destination 3 is sure to be.

    Amber

  7. #7 by Aufero on February 10th, 2006

    How on earth did a movie as bad as Big Momma’s House end up with a sequel? And when will it come out with Mandarin subtitles?

  8. #8 by Mr. Poppinfresh on February 10th, 2006

    Ni xuexi Zhongwen, Lum ma?

  9. #9 by Slyde on February 10th, 2006

    My favorite review (from a paper here on Long Island) about big mommas house 2, ended with the quote:

    “You will get more laughs sitting home tickling yourself, than to go see this movie”

    i just think that’s a riot.

    http://WWW.Slydesblog.com

  10. #10 by Dom on February 10th, 2006

    MY favourite line was the headline from Pajiba.com: “Genuine Proof of the Collective Retardation of America: A $28 Million Opening Weekend”

    And as Trashcan said, kudos on the Dick reference (not every day you say that with a straight face).

  11. #11 by andro on February 11th, 2006

    Psh. Clearly Beverly Hills Cop and Fletch are classics. Shame on the reviewer!

  12. #12 by Recursion on February 12th, 2006

    I’m gonna have to agree with andro here… I’m insulted that Fletch and BHC were even associated with this movie.

  13. #13 by Mirth on February 17th, 2006

    I think it was Sean Huxter from Turbine who said

    “A Knight’s Tale is “Based on” Canterbury Tales much in the same way that shit is “based on” steak”

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