MORE FROM OUR FAVORITE DREAD LORD [Author: wirehead]

Dread Lord Calandryll had this to say on the Dev Board:

Aquaman was by far the lamest superhero in the Justice League. I mean, they had to go out of their way to get him involved. 1,000 deadly robots would be attacking a city and suddenly some dolphin would get hurt so Aquaman could have something to do. 🙂

Not getting into any value judgements on whether or not Aquaman is a development-related topic because (a) do you think they’re really going to ban Calandryll? and (b) for all we know, from what we’ve heard, Aquaman’s probably in UO2.

But for the DEFINITIVE answer as to Aquaman’s usefulness, let us consult the Book of Seanbaby:

Aqua Man. Jesus, I don’t even know where to begin. He was the one who talked to fish, which was sometimes even less useful than you might think. Aqua Man spent most of his days at the Hall of Justice in a wading pool hoping the the next adventure might include some water to justify his existence. And when there finally is some sort of underwater emergency it’s usually just a dolphin with a broken fin, and Aqua Man can only use his amazing ability of projecting yellow fish brain waves to soothe it. That’s how good he is when he’s in his element. Get him on dry land, and he has trouble vacuuming the house. He’s not exactly someone you call when a talking gorilla is taking over someone’s backyard. Aqua Man is someone
you call when you can’t figure out what your goldfish is trying to tell you.
FAVORITE SCENE: The Eternal Fuck Up

No matter how he’s travelling, whether it be on a giant seahorse, on two leashed flying fish, or on his custom “A” jet ski, you’re going to laugh. But Aqua Man’s finest performance was when he was trying to put out an mid-ocean oil fire. He cleverly called a group of whales to splash it out with a wave, but accidentally flooded the entire Western Hemisphere. The coolest part is that this was all an elaborate plan by the Legion of Doom to cause the flood. They counted on him doing something that stupid.

SUPER RATING: 1

I’d give him a zero, but even Aqua Man is better to have around than Marvin and Wendy. Please note that I would still pick Aqua Man for my kick ball team after my grandma.

“Fine. I’ve had enough. If you assholes don’t stop laughing at me,
I’ll… wait for you to fall into the ocean. Because then you’re mine, baby! I’ll stick an electric eel up your ass!”

So THERE.

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