YOU ARE A WHINY BABY. YES, YOU. [Author: lum]

As a result of the world (or at least the world Dr. TwisTer lives in) discovering this page, I got some mail. Most of it confirmed my belief that high school students taking firearms to class is actually a trend we want to encourage, but there were a few of you with clues you didn’t have to borrow from someone else. One of them mentioned that the COB Dev Board needed “nothing less than a low yield thermonuclear bomb”. I’m not sure why my little page reminds him of COB’s board, since the only thing remotely “interactive” on it is watching the counter increment, but it’s a sentiment I agree with none the less.

Look at yesterday. It was patch day. Now, everyone with their own IQ knows that playing on patch day is taking your virtual life in your own hands, since *funny things* tend to happen on patch day, such as everything you own disappearing into the void. But if you tried to check COB yesterday to see if anyone had posted what new bugs “creative uses of game mechanics” shrunk your server list to just Abyss and TC, you would get approximately 9 skillion messages on the order of FIX THIS NOW! NO, REALLY FIX THIS NOW! IF YOU DON’T FIX THIS NOW I’M GONNA GO PLAY EVERQUEST, SO THERE! PLEEEEEEEEZ FIX THIS NOW! YOU SUCK! FIX THIS, OK?, and the one message “Uh, we’re sorry” by the dev team was number 12,942,291 on the list. (Note that you can’t read any of these messages any more since the UO community posts about 4,000 messages a minute onto COB and it tends to overwhelm the Commodore 64 that runs the message base. Of course if you actually clicked on those links above you really need reality therapy.)

I’m not sure what we can do about this. I have this radical idea of actually using the little message that comes up from the patch server THAT IS SENT TO YOU EVERY TIME YOU LOG ON EVEN THOUGH IT ONLY CHANGES ONCE EVERY GEOLOGIC ERA to actually be useful and tell you when things are going wrong, but the patch server probably doesn’t have notepad installed on it, so that’s right out. I know that OSI has this big web site that cranks out Java and Shockwave and style sheets and dynamic fonts and Kilrathi spaceships and crazed Mongbat warlords but for some reason it always seems to be a touch behind the curve whenever something goes wrong. (Plus all the ELEET people only check the Update Center anyway. If that. After all, we DO have Dr. TwisTer. And he just wants to serve the public. SHROOMS!)

So here’s the thing. In the future, whenever the servers decide to roll over and die, the dev team will contact ME. I will contact those whom I feel need to know about what’s up (such as my guild members and anyone else who comes up with interesting bribes) and the rest of you can watch the cows get jiggy wid it until they come back up, since I will use my unearthly powers to knock out COB’s Commodore 64 during this server outage.

Works for me. Because, you know, I just want to serve the public. SHROOMS!

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