WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP [Author: lum]

This is the first in a series of entries called “NotUO” or “Now you can keep up with the outside world while still wasting your entire pathetic existence in the Covey harpy room 24 hours a day”. The following is a TRUE AP NEWS STORY. I swear to God and Raph Koster, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

89 YEAR OLD CAUGHT SELLING CRACK

KINGSTON, N.Y. — Brose Gearhart was due to spend his 90th birthday Friday behind bars for selling crack cocaine. Gearhart was sentenced to 1 1/3 to four years in state prison on Monday for felony crack possession with intent to sell. Police said he ran a $1,000-a-week crack sales operation from his Saugerties home and routinely traded drugs for sex with prostitutes.

Man, that’s the way I wanna go out. A pipe-hittin’ century old pimp daddy. Screw prosecuting, they should give him a medal and he should write a book with Monica Lewinsky.

Also, you may have heard that a country called Serbia is trying to PK some Albanians in Kosovo. House exploits may also be involved. Never fear, though, the noted Anti guild known as NATO is on the case and providing the Serbs don’t recall out of Kosovo, we should see some hardcore pvp pretty soon.

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